Understanding Neurodiversity, One Heart at a Time

Hwee Peng Tan

• Bestselling author of How to Be a Neuro-Affirmative Parent, published by Global Influencer Publishing House.

• Winner of the 2024 Living Now Book Award (Silver) and the ABLE Golden Book Award (Gold)

• Named one of the 2024 Global Women of Influence by Singapore-based publisher Global Influencers

• Member of RedBoxMe by Cartier, a global community of leaders driving social impact

  
  

“My name is Woo Young-woo. Spelled the same forwards and backwards.”

To some, it's just a playful phrase. But for others, like the autistic protagonist in the hit Korean drama Extraordinary Attorney Woo, it's a way of introducing oneself to the world.

For author and advocate Hwee Peng Tan, it was never about raising her voice louder—but about reshaping how she sees and explains the world.

With quiet determination, she began reaching out one person at a time—her family, her child's school, her community. That journey has become a warm, human language for understanding neurodiversity.

Now, it's our turn to listen.

Amazon Bestseller: How to Be a Neuro-Affirmative Parent

One Spark: A purpose beyond myself

🎤 Can you share the journey or moment that gave rise to the Neuro-Affirmative Network?

While I was writing and promoting my book, I came across news about 'Neuro Affirmative Practitioner' training offered by an organization called 'ADHD Works' in the UK. Participating in this program became a real turning point for me.

Through that experience, I discovered that many people in the UK were also doing similar work—supporting neurodivergent individuals and families. That realization gave me a deep sense of encouragement and inspired me to start the Neuro-Affirmative Network.

The purpose of this network is to serve as a trusted directory that people can turn to when they need genuine advice or meaningful connections.

For example, if your child wants to get a driver's license, you could use this network to find a driving instructor with experience working with neurodivergent learners. Or when looking to rent a home, you might connect with a landlord who has an open mind and empathetic heart.

I started this with the hope of creating a warm community where carers, parents, individuals, and professionals can come together and share the feeling that 'we are not alone'—a space where everyone feels respected and has a sense of belonging.

🎤 What kind of place do you hope this network will become in the future?

In the beginning, I offered everything purely pro bono. But people around me advised that to sustain this vision and grow it further, I would need to approach it more systematically and business-like.

At first, I hesitated. It wasn't the way I had originally envisioned it. But because I wanted this space to become meaningful and a lasting community for everyone, I decided to change my thinking.

The message I want to convey is clear: people with neurodiversity deserve to live lives of dignity and meaning. I hope this becomes a warm and safe community where people can share their challenges and achievements, support each other, and grow together. This is the vision I want to achieve now.

Singapore book launch – Surrounded by amazing readers, all seats filled, September 2024

🎤 What made you want to write a book especially for parents like yourself?

It all began with my own journey with my son. He has autism, ADHD, speech impairment, and an intellectual disability—so he requires a higher level of support.

Beyond all the diagnoses, what truly defines him is his quiet joy. He's shy, but he enjoys school, loves horse riding, and has a gentle presence that makes him easy to be around.

Through my lived experience, I realized something important: parents have the greatest influence on their children. A child learns best when they are happy—and they're happiest when their parents are happy. That, to me, is the foundation.

Parents are the child's best therapist, teacher, and advocate. Everything begins there. So if we focus on supporting parents first, the journey may not be easy, but it becomes easier. That's why I felt called to write a book for parents.

One Perspective Shift: It starts with understanding

🎤 What perspective should we take to better understand neurodivergent individuals?

My advocacy is rooted in understanding neurodivergence—because when we understand, we can explain. And when we can explain, there's a higher chance of acceptance.

But many people misunderstand this. They think that explaining neurodivergence is just making excuses for bad behavior. That's not true. Saying, "My child is doing that because he's neurodivergent, so please excuse him," is not the point.

When we begin to explain why certain behaviors occur—whether due to a diagnosis or sensory processing—people often respond with, "Okay, that makes sense. I can accept that."

And that's fair. Just like we accept someone who wears glasses for poor vision, or someone who's left-handed, or someone who uses hearing aids. 

Neurodiversity is no different. If I understand that a specific trigger causes a reaction, I'll avoid it. Problem solved.

🎤 Can you share a real-life story that shows the power of understanding neurodivergence?

There's a truly impressive story I'd like to share. One day, a child psychologist came to our school for a seminar, and since I was the board chair, I naturally had a chance to chat with him. Let's call him 'Sam.'

I asked carefully, 'You've worked with neurodivergent children in the education department for a long time. Have you encountered any particularly memorable cases?'

Without hesitation, he shared this story. There was a middle school student named Peter who was considered the most aggressive and difficult child to manage in the school. He would suddenly pull other children's hair, and neither teachers nor teaching assistants could figure out why—they just assumed it was random behavior.

The school was even considering expelling Peter, and Sam was literally his last hope.

Sam spent months documenting every single behavior Peter exhibited to track down the cause. Peter was a non-verbal autistic child who couldn't express his feelings or reasoning.

Finally, he discovered a very simple reason that no one had noticed.

Peter loved the scent of bananas.

All the people whose hair Peter had pulled were using the same brand of banana-scented shampoo, and Peter was simply trying to get closer to smell that fragrance.

Once this was discovered, the school immediately asked everyone who came into contact with Peter to stop using that shampoo. Peter no longer showed aggressive behavior, attended school well, participated in the community, and got along great with his friends.

When Sam told me this story, I felt something very powerful:

'Yes, we don't need to try to change thousands of people. Making a difference for just one person is enough.'

This experience reinforced my belief in the power of 'understanding.' Understanding neurodiversity—just having that starting point can change someone's life. And that's never a small thing.

One Victory:  When progress is personal, not comparative

🎤 In your view, what makes progress meaningful in a world of diverse challenges?

First, we all need one clear priority. Just one. If you have too many, then none of them are truly a priority. So if you're struggling, choose just one thing to focus on—solve that, then move on to the next.

Second, we need to understand that your success and my success are completely different. That's why success should always be seen in a personalized way.

Let me give you a simple example. I have a child with an eating disorder. He only eats cheese and bread. That's it. If I insist on him eating a full, balanced meal, I'm setting him up to fail. Instead, I say,

"Let's try carrots today."

If he eats even one piece, that's success.

If your child is struggling with toileting, forget everything else. Just focus on that. Build a plan just for that one thing. Even if a child is 20 or 30 years old and manages to achieve that for the first time, it is still success. For them, it's a big challenge—and they made it. That's worth celebrating.

It doesn't matter if someone else says, "My two-year-old already eats carrots." That's their child. My child has an eating disorder, and he tried carrots for the first time. I'm proud of that. That's enough.

We all have our own goals. What matters to me might not matter to you—and that's okay. Success should be personal. Not everyone has to follow the same path.

🎤 How can 'success' be defined from a neurodiversity perspective?

The world is often shaped around neurotypical standards—being socially active, getting a good education, and fitting in are seen as the norm.

But we should never apply the same standards to neurodivergent individuals. It’s like a world designed for right-handed people—everything feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar for left-handed ones.

People with neurodivergent minds give their best every day, every moment. They try to adapt to society in their own way, striving with all their effort.

What we need to focus on is not just the outcome, but the effort they make—and we must respect that effort.

Even if someone scores low on a math test, it’s okay. What truly deserves recognition is the courage to try again without giving up. Honoring these small attempts is the first step in building resilience.

Appreciating the attempt rather than the result—that is how I define success.

Honored to be recognized as a Global Woman of Influence, September 2024

One Moment of Pride: Made for them, not by them

🎤 Could you share a meaningful achievement from the community you’re part of—something that truly moved you?

When we first heard about the award 'Elementary School of the Year,' we hesitated. Our school has only about 120 students. We're not a big, mainstream or academically elite school.

Still, I had a feeling we could do it, so I volunteered to write the nomination letter myself. To our surprise, we were selected as one of the four finalists—and the only special needs school ever nominated.

On the day of the award ceremony, I went with the principal and several teachers. At school, it was a regular day, but one of our staff texted the teachers to gather students and watch the livestream. Everyone was waiting, holding their breath.

And then... our name was announced.

Back at school, the students were cheering, shouting "Hooray!" and their teachers captured the moment on camera. When we saw those photos, we all cried. That was the moment we knew—it was all worth it.

It wasn't just about winning. It was about showing our students that their school is something to be proud of. That we, the adults, had a responsibility to make them proud—not the other way around.

It's never, "You need to ace your math to make the school look good."

No. It's us—the educators, the parents—who must do the work to earn their pride.

I'll never forget what one of the judges said. He told us:

"Education is education. It doesn't matter if it's primary, secondary, special needs or gifted. If a student learns something, it's education."

And I thought—yes. That's exactly it. That's what we're here for.

Leadership project presentation on youth employment in the disability sector, November 2023

One Missing Bridge: Growing Up Without a Path Forward

🎤 Where do you see the biggest challenge in support for neurodivergent students today?

One of the most pressing challenges I see is the lack of continuity in support as neurodivergent students grow older—especially the limited availability of special education programs in secondary schools.

Our enrollment at the primary level has grown significantly. But once students reach high school age, there simply aren't enough places. Society often assumes things get easier as these children grow, but in reality, many still need the same level of support—sometimes even more.

My son is in Year 6 and moving into high school next year. This transition has made the issue very personal for me—not just as a parent, but as an advocate.

We're working to bridge the gap between primary and secondary education. This isn't just an education issue—it's about creating continuity of life.

But it doesn't end there. Supporting neurodivergent individuals is a lifelong process—from social adaptation to career exploration, all these stages are one connected journey.

We're doing what we can as a school community, but real change has to happen at the systemic level—through the Ministry of Education and beyond. And that brings another layer of complexity.

One Path to Influence: Change built on presence, not pressure

🎤 What kind of effort has mattered most in your journey toward real change?

I believe quiet but consistent influence is more effective than demanding change through protests or pressure. Pressure often creates resistance instead.

With reliable data and well-designed strategies, through positive and collaborative approaches, I think we can encourage governments and institutions to voluntarily recognize the need for change.

Instead of saying "This is wrong," it's about saying

"This works. What do you think about this direction?"

I believe this is the path to sustainable change. It took me 10 years to realize this.

My son was diagnosed at two and a half, and now he's twelve. This journey has been about taking small but meaningful steps together consistently.

And there's another thing—I believe representation itself is a form of influence. As the only Asian parent on our school board, despite being introverted, I show up every time.

I want to be someone who shows through actions, not just words. If my son can one day say "I'm proud of my mom," that's enough for me.

And I hope the Asian community can feel that we have a space where our voices can be heard. Those messages we grew up with—"Be quiet," "Don't stand out." I believe we can change that now.

I want to keep creating small movements so the next generation can think differently. Because I believe all those small actions eventually create big change.

Book tour visit to LinkedIn Sydney, June 2024

One Voice of Courage: Where real change quietly begins

🎤 What has sustained your motivation as both a parent and advocate, especially when the journey feels overwhelming?

The hardest part has been stepping out of my comfort zone.

Raising my neurodivergent, introverted son, I see how much courage he musters every single day. So even when I want to give up, I can't stop—because if I stop, he might stop too.

There are moments when emotions overwhelm me and I cry. But I think that's resilience in action.

LinkedIn became my source of comfort and encouragement. So many people would DM me, sharing their own family stories about neurodiversity.

CEOs, entrepreneurs, professionals—they'd say, "My child has this," or "My sibling is neurodivergent." Every time, I felt "I'm not alone in this."

When people message me saying, "Thank you for speaking up," I think, "This is exactly why I do this work."

One day, through a connection, I met a PR specialist. She helped me get a radio interview during Autism Awareness Month. Everything aligned so perfectly—like I was stepping onto a path that had been prepared for me.

We often think 'influence' means reaching thousands of people. But I believe real change always starts with one story, one connection.

For me, one connection, touching just one person's heart—that's enough. And that's why I keep walking this path.

Related Links

• Neuro Affirmative Network Website

• How to Be a Neuro-Affirmative Parent (Book)

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