At the Edge of Expectation, I Found Myself

Jul 18
5 min read

Updated: Aug 5

Vedika Khatwani Chandka

ICF-ACC certified Self-Awareness Coach

Founder of Empower-Urself—a space where clarity, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness guide empowerment.

For years, Vedika moved through life with quiet strength and self-awareness.

She followed expectations—but also asked the difficult questions.

Change didn’t arrive in one defining moment. Instead, it came in subtle shifts—reflections that deepened over time.

Eventually, she recognized a truth: She didn’t need to prove herself—only to return to who she truly was. That return marked a new chapter—grounded in clarity, authenticity, and inner alignment.

Now, she asks us:

“What would change if you stopped living in response to others—and started living in alignment with yourself?”

The Pause That Changed Everything

Q. What led you to become a coach, and how did your past experiences shape that decision?

After two decades of nonstop work—navigating roles and expectations—life finally offered a pause. During that break, and in the stillness of post-divorce reflection, something shifted. I began to truly feel what I had been pushing aside for years.

Coaching started as a tool for personal growth. But along the way, I found something deeper—a quiet, steady light. A way of seeing and being that brought me home to myself.

It felt only natural to share that experience with others.

Today, I enable others reclaim that same space—so they, too, can hear their own voice with clarity and courage.

When Expectations Define Us

Q. What made you realize that you were living under someone else’s expectations?

For a long time, I didn’t realize I was carrying expectations that weren’t mine. I followed what seemed “right”—without asking, “Is this truly my path?”

It wasn’t dramatic—just a quiet routine that felt normal… until it didn’t. A slow restlessness emerged. A subtle disconnection from who I really was.

Letting go of those silent “shoulds” meant facing discomfort and unlearning old patterns.But in doing so, I found clarity—and a quieter strength.

It’s not expectations that limit us, but the silent agreements we make with them.

The real shift begins when we ask:

“If I removed the pressure to prove anything—what would I choose today?”

The Courage to Receive

Q. Between responsibility and expectation, which emotion was the hardest to release?

I’ve always taken pride in showing up, staying strong, and doing my part. But receiving—without needing to give back—felt unfamiliar, even with family. I often believed I had to earn or repay any support I received.

One day, my partner said quietly, “You’ve been working nonstop for 17 years. It’s okay to pause.” That sentence stirred something in me.

Later, when he invited me to choose something I liked at a jewellery store, I froze—not because of the gift, but because receiving without guilt felt uncomfortable.

But when I allowed it, something shifted. I realized:

Receiving doesn’t weaken us—it affirms our worth.

Since then, I’ve learned to accept kindness without explanation. That shift opened a space where healing could truly begin.

Redefining Independence

Q. How has your understanding of independence evolved?

For me, true independence isn’t about doing it all alone. It’s about recognizing my own emotions and needs—and making choices that respect them.

There was a time I believed independence meant financial survival or proving I could handle everything on my own. I kept pushing forward, quietly carrying the load—even when it felt heavy. But functioning isn’t the same as living.

Over time, I learned that independence isn’t about self-sacrifice or silent strength. Now, I see it as the freedom to choose—with intention, with clarity, and without guilt.

It's about being true to who I am—not proving how much I can carry.

When Choosing Yourself Feels Unfamiliar

Q. How do you navigate disappointment when expectations in relationships aren’t met?

Disappointment often stems not from what’s said—but from what’s left unsaid. Unspoken expectations build quiet pressure, especially when we hope others will respond in ways we never clearly communicated.

To move through that disappointment, I’ve learned to ask myself:

“What am I expecting right now?”

“Does the person know what I am expecting?”

“Is this expectation from others or myself even realistic?”

The turning point came when I began setting personal boundaries—not as walls, but as spaces that protect my identity.

This shift helped me respond with clarity rather than react with frustration. When I centered my decisions around who I wanted to be, my relationships became more grounded—and my life, freer.

Q. Have you ever had to choose yourself, even when it felt uncomfortable?

Yes—and those moments changed me.

Once, I was offered a high-profile project—great on paper. But I knew it would stretch me too thin. I had just begun healing and realigning my priorities.

Saying no felt uncomfortable. It triggered doubts—“Am I missing out?”

Later, in a nonprofit leadership role, I found myself slowly compromising my values to fit into a culture that didn’t align with me. After much reflection, I stepped down—not out of failure, but to protect my peace and integrity.

Looking back, those choices weren’t retreats—they were acts of alignment. That “no” created space for a deeper yes—to my well-being, values, and direction.

It wasn’t easy, but it taught me:

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s self-aware.

Staying Grounded Through Emotional Waves

Q. When emotions feel overwhelming, how do you stay centered in yourself?

When emotions feel overwhelming, I choose to turn inward—with intention. Quiet reflection, reframing, and honest feedback help me pause and respond rather than react.

I often ask myself:

“What am I truly feeling right now?”

“Which emotions are temporary—and which reveal something deeper?”

That kind of inquiry keeps me focused on what matters most. And above all, I’ve learned never to compromise my values.

I may walk away from opportunities that don’t align—but in doing so, I gain peace and clarity.

Emotional, mental, and physical care is something only I can give myself. So in every decision, I return to this:

“Is this a reflection of my truth—or someone else’s?”

Leading from Within

Q. What should leadership of the future be rooted in?

True leadership starts with self-leadership.

When we honour our needs, set boundaries, and choose authenticity over approval—we naturally become leaders people trust.

In today’s world, we don’t need louder voices—we need leaders who are fully present. Leaders who are calm, grounded, and self-aware—who can face discomfort without rushing to fix or avoid it.

Leadership is shifting. It’s no longer about control or perfection—it’s about clarity, empathy, and connection.

The future will belong to those who lead not just with ambition, but with values. Not just with expertise, but with emotional depth.

Because how we lead ourselves shapes how we lead others.

🔗 Explore Vedika K. C’s coaching philosophy: https://vempowerurself.com

🔗 Connect with Vedika on LinkedIn

This series invites you to explore the bold and reflective leadership journeys of the authors behind Shaken, Stirred, But Not Deterred Vol. 3 — a celebration of the human spirit, published by Global Influencers Publishing House.